Perfectionism or Patience? Take Your Pick.
This is it. This is the Peace, the piece of God I’ve
always asked for.
The kettle whistles. I think to myself, “Wow, I really love making my cup of tea.” I pour the boiling water into my teacup, already filled with my creamer, sugar and of course the black tea bag. (Fight me, this is the right way to make tea.)
I sit down at the dining table and think “Wow, I really have nothing to do.” I don’t have any obligations at this point in time. Yet, I’m still searching, seeking really, for something to do.
It’s funny how I’ve got to learn how to relax. Literally sit myself down. Breathe in. Breathe out. These are conscious thoughts that I have to make. My teeth have actually been hurting the past couple of days because of how tight I’ve been clenching my teeth, biting down.
The less things I have to do, the more agitated I become. Why?
As my schedule frees up and I have less and less
obligations that I actually have to tend to, I get more and more anxious.
Almost like I’ve forgot that I am a human being. Un être. Un
être translates to a being, as well as it is the
verb ‘to be’ in French. Human beings are allowed to just be, yanno.
In fact, I do not know, anno. I fear that if I relax
for just one second, I’ve missed an opportunity somewhere, some mistake is being
made in the here and now, or I’m lacking preparation for the future.
But as I sit and drink my cup of tea (and now jot
these thoughts down), why can’t I ease up on myself? Actually drink the tea,
perhaps. Actually enjoy the time. En-joy: put joy into the moment.
Man, I’ve gotta admit it’s tough. Is it just me? Or
does anyone else always feel on edge, never at ease, "never relaxed ever", to
quote the TikTok sound?
Chill out somehow. Just be. Secours, Seigneur ! S.O.S.,
Father God! Your human has forgotten how to be human.
Perfectionism kills and just know that that is a hyperbole because I am very much alive. I’m just a more perfected living being.
You know, the one with their shoulders back, tummy
pulled in, chin up, head high. Oh, what else did I miss?? There must be more! Something
else that’s missing. Come on, help me now!!! I have to stand perfect.
This is the dilemma that I’m now left with. My
perfectionism has caused me to miss out of the Prince of Peace’s presence. There’s
a missing puzzle piece that only I can fill now. I’ve made my faith sure; Christ
has done His job. Now, it is up to me to choose to relax and know that everything
working out for me. To sit back and enjoy the tea. Watch that sunset. Stop
checking the time like that rabbit Alice saw in Wonderland.
You know what this is called: patience. Simply put, I’m
impatient.
Well, we can wrap it up there cause I’m not going to
pray for patience ever again.
Maybe just this one time I will.
After this, never again.
Again.
Wish me luck!
¡Ay, por Dios!
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